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Radio Interview with Barbara Mulloy-Robbins

by admin staff

Dec. 15th, 2014...Mike Shikman of WSVA AM 550 News/Talk Radio (Harrisonburg, VA) interviewed Barbara about her book, An Uphill Struggle, From ADHD to Chemical ADDiction a Mother's Story.

Barbara shared details about her story and experiences as a young mother dealing with and trying to understand ADD/ADHD behavior in her sons, long before the condition was recognized as a legitimate brain disorder by health professionals and then the media. She also described what motivated her to write the book as she came to terms with the link between ADHD and Chemical ADDiction as it played out in the life and deaths of her sons.

Let Go and Let God

From beautifulwords.net: Link

by Barbara Mulloy Robbins

These days, if we look around at the people in our lives, it’s hard to find one person not embroiled in troubled times. It seems the challenge of navigating stress, drama and chaos has become the norm for more people than ever before. Couple all that with mental illness issues and you have a recipe for disaster.

Coping with a loved one embattled with mental health issues can be one of the most disheartening things to deal with for family members managing the role of caregiver. Mainly because most of us are not trained to handle the intricacies of disorders of the mind. Often, we are left on our own to care for our loved one thanks to the lack of attention and funding from local and national government. It doesn’t take long for the inevitable feelings of helplessness to wash over us.

I have been there, as so many others have. Who takes care of the caregiver? In most cases, caregivers must remember to take care of themselves because, sadly, no one else is going to do it for them. But, there has to come a point where something has to give inside you. Something has to occur within ourselves that gives us the strength to literally Let Go and Let God.

This blog’s tag line is “cry, love and live.” Consider effective coping strategies and enjoy moments of humor despite the challenges thrown your way. It’s okay to experience joy in the midst of sorrow. Do not feel guilty. In Chapter 21 of my book, I refer to the words of Don Hackett (from a Compassionate Friend’s monthly newsletter) titled The Promise of Spring…

As winter yields to spring, the land seems to throb with life. The day is longer and filled with renewed vitality. It is as if it’s cold hand has loosened its bitter grip and the earth is reborn. It is this quality of resurrection that seems so bitter. For I struggle in the darkness of loss, all around us is the vigorous rush of life breaking forth in colors and song. But our own children do not come forth. Yet, in spring’s unfolding, its return affirms the continuity of life.

We cannot allow ourselves to stay trapped. As much as our current situations have us cornered, we must teach ourselves to embrace again like a coming spring.

“I love people. I love my family, my children, but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that’s where you renew your springs that never dry.” – Pearl S. Buck from Chapter 8: Self Discovery of An Uphill Struggle.

It will take both courage and strength to arrive at the “Let Go and Let God” place. This doesn’t mean letting go of yourself. A very old, yet timeless newspaper column titled “Just for Today” written by Frank Crane for the Boston Globe can be very helpful with maintaining yourself on a daily basis. There are ten simple tips…as per Frank Crane…

Here are ten resolutions to make when you awake in the morning. They are Just for One Day. Think of them not as a life task but as a day’s work. These things will give you pleasure. Yet they require will power. You don’t need resolutions to do what is easy.

1. Just for Today, I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life-problem at once. I can do some things for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt I had to keep them up for a lifetime.

2. Just for Today, I will be happy. This assumes that what Abraham Lincoln said is true, that “most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Happiness is from Within; it is not a matter of externals.

3. Just for Today, I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my family, my business, and my luck as they come, and fit myself to them.

4. Just for Today, I will take care of my body. I will exercise it, care for it, and nourish it, and not abuse it nor neglect it; so that it will be a perfect machine for my will.

5. Just for Today, I will try to strengthen my mind, I will study. I will learn something useful, I will not be a mental loafer all day. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

6. Just for Today, I will exercise my soul. In three ways, to wit:
(a) I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out. If anybody knows of it, it will not count.
(b) I will do at least two things I don’t want to do, as William James suggests just for exercise.
(c) I will not show any one that my feelings are hurt. They may be hurt, but today I will not show it.

7. Just for Today, I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress as becomingly as possible,  talk low,  act courteously, be liberal with flattery, criticize not one bit  nor find fault with anything, and not try to regulate nor improve anybody.

8. Just for Today, I will have a program. I will write down just what I expect to do every hour. I may not follow it exactly, but I’ll have it. It will save me from the two pests Hurry and Indecision.

9. Just for Today, I will have a quiet half hour, all by myself, and relax. During this half hour, some time, I will think of God, so as to get a little more perspective to my life.

10. Just for Today, I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to be happy, to enjoy what is beautiful, to love and to believe that those I love, love me.

(Copyright, 1921 by Frank Crane, link)

God Bless us all.

To Look Back

To look back
might mean never
to go on.

To see the pile of 
shattered glass
and broken days
of horror of
time that's lost.

To listen for 
the voices of sons
that ran once
like laughing brooks,

to hear the echo
of footfalls when
they walked into 
mustaches and manhood
before I turned.

If I should thumb
through photographs that
remind me how I lived
in the margins of my life,

I might never go on,
climbing Jacob's mystic ladder
into the night,
searching for a place
to rest in some perfect light.

I might stop.

And what then?

 

To Look Back by Senator William S. Cohen from his collection, A Baker’s Nickel

ADHD: Knowledge is Power

by Barbara Mulloy-Robbins

Speaking from the heart of a troubled journey, I often wonder how would the Barbara of today approach the recognition, care, education and guidance of my two sons diagnosed with ADHD? Well, I would have welcomed a “wake-up” call that would have alerted me that the symptoms manifested in my boys behavior was something other than what family and society considered “Normal.” The following are the four steps I hope I would have taken.  

WebMD photo: link

1) Definitely a professional diagnosis would be my very first step. After a positive determination is made, I think the next step would be for parents to set the right tone for conversations. That tone should be open and reassuring...no judgments and harsh criticism with regard to behavior. Helping them to understand and accept just what their disorder is all about. Explain to them that they are not alone so that they should not feel singled out. Point out to them that so many children and adults have ADHD. 

2) I would definitely talk about famous and successful people who have ADD/ADHD. To be sure, it’s certainly highlighted in our media today. Help them find a role model from the list, perhaps one they can relate to. There are athletes, business leaders, musicians, actors and comedians out there who have risen to the top of their field, and they are getting the job done. The late Robin Williams comes immediately to mind. He rose to the top of his profession in spite of his bipolar and depression disorder... undoubtedly the diagnosis of ADHD could be factored into his brilliant and creative profile. More and more folks are being open about their struggles with psychological and behavioral disorders. Perhaps you could encourage your child to write a letter to one of them, and they just might be surprised by getting some words of encouragement back.

3) Make a list of all the activities your child likes to do; are these activities compatible with ADHD? Your child may be better suited to a host of sports and activities than the ones he might be struggling with today.  ADDitude Magazine has a comprehensive section for parents. They know the drill and they want to help others to lead successful and life-affirming lives by offering informative tips and advice. Google is also a viable resource, as we all well know. Many yesterdays ago no one spoke about ADHD, but today not a day goes by without more and information evolving about mental illness. Back in the late 60’s it was called Minimal Brain Dysfunction; today it is relabeled ADHD...same disorder but with more attention paid to a potentially dangerous track record. Since ADHD rarely travels alone, it traveled with the disease of chemical addiction with my two boys. 

 

With you and your child, side by side, you can reach out together to understand and adapt to ADHD in every aspect of your lives. 

4) Parents should develop and maintain positive relationships with their children’s educators. CHADD (Children and Adults with ADHD) has a resource program that offers Teacher Training on ADHD. If parents haven’t already done so, they should educate themselves as much as possible with CHADD.org  and their many resources, events and conferences.

 *********

 My story has grown through the years in recognition of the extensive research relating to ADHD, mental illness and chemical addiction.

 We looked for answers but there weren’t any in the early 70’s. Consequently, I was burdened with judgments and stigma on my shoulders. My little creative and intelligent “daredevils” and “dreamers” became, by reputation, a result of bad parenting. And so, as a result, through all those busy and challenging years, I had neither the words or the knowledge to make any sort of a connection between the boy’s problem and the fact, that I later learned, their genetic patterning was on overload. I was inexperienced, I was young. I thought love could conquer all. And...I was wrong.  

It is my hope that the experience of my family and the information that I bring to bear on the subject will help families suffering from the combined effects of ADHD and ADDiction. It is my belief that the connection between these is something that is woefully underexposed to the detriment of thousands.